Strengthening My Relationship

How can I improve my relationship with my child's other parent—whether we're together or not?

Family and community all help to raise and teach Native children. When we talk about co-parenting, that means sharing the responsibilities of raising your child with their other parent, someone else in your family, or a caretaker. 

Your ability to be economically flexible will be affected by the fact that you have a child with another person. If you split up, there are a lot of extra costs because you aren’t sharing things like a home or a car. 

Unhealthy co-parenting leads to a child earning less money throughout their lifetime. It can also affect their ability to form healthy relationships. Not to mention, getting support from your child’s other parent can be helpful to you!

Think about how you were raised, your friends’ experiences, or how you interact with your child’s other parent now. What co-parenting things have you seen that affect kids positively or negatively?

He’s dating another girl and the mom talks trash about her!

We make a shared Google calendar with all our schedules. My son’s dad shows up when he is supposed to take our son to practice.

What does good co-parenting look like?

• Effective communication—You listen to one another and share important information that affects your child. You don't put your child in the middle or try to send messages to the other parent through your child. 
• Leading by example—As a parent, you show up to live in harmony with your child, your child's other parent, and your larger family. 
• Taking accountability through relationships—When you make a mistake, you own up to it. This shows your children that you understand how your actions affect others. 
• Being dependable—You keep your word to your child and your child’s other parent and you follow consistent schedules.
• Respect for shared parenting—Your child is part of a bigger family and community. Everyone helps each other out. 
• Getting good at resolving conflict—The main thing co-parents can do to make sure your child is OK is to find ways to resolve conflict. Don't argue in front of your child, through texts with the other parent, or on social media. 

Here are four tips to resolve conflict:

• Focus on the problem, not the person.
• Take time outs if you get upset.
• Listen to understand the other person—and repeat back to them what you heard
• Use “I Statements.” These statements focus on your own feelings and experiences, not about what the other person has done or failed to do. You’re not pointing the finger or placing blame. Examples of “I Statements” include:
• “I feel frustrated when my feelings aren’t heard or acknowledged.”
• “I feel angry when you interrupt me.”